I spent the first 20 years of my life living in a pretty sheltered neighborhood. You might even call it exclusive in that the lots were big, there was only one road that ran through it, and all of my neighbors were so old that by now I’m sure they’re all dead, so I didn’t really understand what it meant to have, want or be a good neighbor until I first struck out on my own. Almost everyone complains about their neighbors, but there’s a pretty easy way to get yourself better neighbors, and it doesn’t always have to involve moving, just BE a better neighbor yourself.
I talked with this woman a couple years ago who had trouble with her neighbors. She was in her fifties and lived on a pretty quiet street almost up in the mountains, but there were a few people around here that she just couldn’t stand.
Apparently her dog got out a few months before and did his business all over everyone’s lawns, and when she was asked to do something about it, she got indignant and explained it wasn’t her problem. Well, obviously it was her problem, but she didn’t want to clean it up any more than they did, so instead of just admitting she was in the wrong, she took offense that they might suggest she was in the wrong, and put up her guard because of it.
When it came time for us to talk, she was throwing a barbecue with her stereo on the back deck cranked up to a frankly painful level. She explained to me that this was her way of getting back at the neighbors for being so mean to her.
We talked about police intervention, and she explained that her screaming stereo had already had them out a few times, but that there was nothing they could do about it, since it was during daylight hours… I tried to talk some sense in to her, but when it comes to the grandmother of my children that isn’t also my own mother (not to be too subtle, I hope) there is just no talking any sense in to her.
What I would explain to her, if I had the patience and some sort of hammer to beat the point home, is that her neighbors are just people, and that the requests they have may be well within the range of reasonable, and that going out of her way to intentionally needle them will only make life more difficult for everyone.
So if you want a better neighbor, be one:
1 – When you see garbage on the ground, pick it up, even if it isn’t yours… who knows, it might actually be yours anyhow, but either way, you’re taking a nearly-effortless first step.
2 – Never throw anything on the ground. Not trash, not cigarette butts, not fliers, not anything. If you smoke, don’t even throw your butts out the car window a block away, because that’s still your neighborhood. Imagine if your neighbor sees you doing that. He won’t look out for you ever again, willhe?
3 – Keep your noise level in check. Especially if you’re in an apartment, but also if you have a house. Don’t come thumping down the block with your bass rattling windows. Sure, we’re all very impressed, but if you wake a sleeping baby (or adult) you’re going to have a guy a few doors away who’s going to start watching your sleep schedule and mowing his lawn accordingly just to show you what it’s like. If you’re in an apartment, especially one with paper-thin walls like Heatherwood, don’t use the dryer after 9:00pm, and be mindful of how loud your tv or stereo is. Even a well-insulated apartment isn’t a house, and your neighbors don’t deserve to hear that.
4 – Don’t indulge in feuds. I know it gives excitement to your life to create an arch nemesis, but you don’t have to do it, and doing so will only make living more difficult. If your neighbor parks in your spot once, let it slide. If they throw a party and a paper plate ends up on your lawn, just pick it up and go about your life. Don’t get caught up in nonsense like this, it will only make you miserable.
5 – Don’t call the police, talk to your neighbors. Some things can’t be resolved by a friendly chat, but most of them can. More importantly, a few kind words will do much more to improve a lasting relationship than sending a few angry cops to their house.
If this is your home, you plan to live here a long time. Just thinking about how your neighbors must feel and how they’d like to be treated can make all the difference in the world. Even if you only plan to live at your place a short time, being nice can mean the difference between a willful door ding without regret, and that same person knocking on your door to tell you that you left your headlights on or keys in the trunk lock.
Although it’s very easy to be selfish, it’s hardly any more work to be a good neighbor, and doing so will always pay dividends you hopefully won’t even have to imagine.
Tags: apartments, convenience, housing, kind, lifestyle, living, neighbors, renting, respect